Book Review: Hot For His Girl by Rachel Blaufeld

Summary from Goodreads:

Andonia “Andi” Schwartz is the kind of gal you love to hate. Snarky, skinny, and jaded, Andi’s goodness lies hidden beneath her sharp edges. But it’s there . . . this independent single mom has it going on.

Reid Fellows is a lovable dude. Bespectacled tenure-track statistics professor by day, shirtless blogger by night, he’s a catch on paper and easy on the eyes.

Andi wields her power and unruly commentary from behind her laptop as the anonymous proprietor of The UnAffectionate Blogger.

Reid’s blog, Grill and Groom, began on a dare. Now, he regularly shows his abs of steel while grilling. He may love this gig more than his day job. She needs her page views and advertisers to support her daughter. Until the two meet and spin a web online and IRL . . . in real life.

What happens when two bloggers fall for each other?

A new blog is born.

Hot For His Girl book is a problematic, badly-written, meandering mess. I hated it. And in this review, I’m going to let the author’s crappy writing speak for itself, so prepare for blockquotes aplenty. Onward.

So, this is a romance with blogging as its schtick. Both the heroine, Andi, and the hero, Reid, are bloggers. Reid runs a pretty typical food blog, but Andi runs an anonymous blog whose sole purpose is to trash-talk other bloggers. Throughout this novel, the author excerpts Andi’s “posts”, and some of them were horrifying. Making fun of a child for the hats he likes to wear in order to attract site clicks? Trash talking two men in a relationship just for comments and ad revenue? Seriously? Of course, Andi claims that she only does this because she needs money to support her daughter, but there are certainly other, less nasty ways to earn a living.

I don’t like Andi. I don’t dislike her because she’s a prickly, abrasive heroine. I don’t dislike her because she has flaws. I dislike her because she’s a jerk. I think Rachel Blaufeld intended this character to come across as refreshingly honest, but instead she seems needlessly jaded and like she enjoys saying offensive things for attention. Consider this:

But we can’t celebrate anything in public school anymore. It’s ridiculous…this is America and it’s Thanksgiving. For God’s sake, I’m half Jewish by birth, and I don’t even mind Christmas music.

Excuse me? Complaining that school children no longer get to paint their faces, wear feather headdresses, and pretend to live in teepees is REALLY the hill you want to die on? And just because you are not personally offended by Christmas music doesn’t mean it’s not offensive to other people, or that it’s acceptable to foist Christian traditions upon all children across the nation. Grow up.

Another thing to dislike about Andi is how she wears her “single mom” status like a badge of honor or like a shield, depending on the situation. Not a single paragraph will go by without her mentioning to the reader that she’s a single mom. As if she thinks we’ll have forgotten why she has a messy child running around her house. And when asked on a date, she’s quick to explain why she is Not Dating Material:

“I’m a mom. A single mom. I wear yoga pants and work from home. Most days, I don’t wash my hair. I eat microwave dinners or pizza with a side of broccoli before falling asleep on the couch. This is not a sexy existence.”

I just…if Andi is so proud of being a single mom, how come she takes so little pride in her own life? The levels of untapped self-hatred there are deep, and (of course) Blaufeld never explores them.

And you might wonder to yourself, who could possibly match this arrogant, bitter heroine the author cooked up for us? Well, meet Reid:

Sometimes life sucks.

Sure, I could have meaningless sex with any number of women.

I’m hot, I get it.

The sexy professor, especially when I snap on my glasses.

I’m built, I know that too.

I’m smart and make money. I have old money.

Check, check, check.

But I’m fucking alone, and I don’t want that for myself.

Do you hear that? Listen closely! It’s the sound of me playing a sad song on the world’s teensiest violin for Reid, a hot, muscled, rich professor. His life is just so sad.

Again: grow up.

So, Andi and Reid meet. It’s a match made in bloggy heaven. The vast majority of Hot for His Girl is a total snorefest because there isn’t much conflict. Reid is perfect, and Andi is obssessed with him. The only “drama” to speak of is that Andi has decided to keep her existence as Head Bitchy Blogger in Chief a secret. Eventually, the truth comes out. Reid is rightfully angry. But within a few paragraphs and barely any groveling, we’re on to happily ever after and some kind of bloggish dreamscape where everything is perfect. Yuck. (And throughout the book, the entire story is told in stilted, staccato prose that’s rife with fragments and very discordant syntax choices. I don’t think this book got anything right.)

Before I go, I’d love to share this shining moment. Reid is discussing “mommy guilt” with a male colleague—”mommy guilt” being a manifestation of the intense pressure women are under to have perfect lives for their children. But what does this book have to say about it? Well:

“It’s not really real. It’s some bullshit they make up with their anxiety and feelings. Women.”

Great news, ladies! The patriarchy isn’t real! We’ve made it up with our rampant, out-of-control feelings. Hooray!

Fuck off, Rachel Blaufeld. Fuck straight off.